Break in

Somebody broke into my apartment this morning.

Now that I have your attention, turns out that culprit was none other than yours truly. I had to do my laundry after my 11 day vacation in New England, but I didn't have cash to run the machines. So, naturally, I decided to do some grocery shopping so that I'll have food and get some cash back. After returning from the grocery store, putting my newly acquired food into the refrigerator, locking the door, and closing it behind me, I realized that I'd left my keys on top of the refrigerator just as the click of the closing latch sounded. Swearing commenced. After a moment of quick thinking, I pried the screen off of the window to my bedroom and tried to lever the glass open. Turns out that I'd left my window locked. So had my roommate. And the window in the living room. As desperation began to set in, I decided to try a tactic that had stood by me many times in the past: a credit card. Fortunately the door to our apartment opens inward and I was able to jimmy the door open in about half a second flat, get my keys, go do laundry, go for a run, and get all of this done before noon. Hurray for productivity. Hurray for only semi-legal skills.

Guess what I did this weekend

Yeah. That's right.

Unconventional Pirate

After losing his leg to a falling beer keg
The pirate spent a week as a gimp
The doctor did say in a cheerful way
You'll soon walk again with a limp
The candle burned bright all thru the night
And with sunrise begins our story
Of the corsair with the curly hair
Who walked his way to glory

Now the truth be told, if I may be so bold
He was man not without charm
And many a lass did find his company sublime
And paraded about on his arm
Where once was his leg instead of a peg
Our hero walked with the aid
Of a new limb crafted on whim
From the haft of a garden spade

Now in all the land I've found naught a man
(You'd better believe me, I've tried)
Who'd found more treasure while walking with leisure
Digging for gold with every stride
Now if you've no quarrel, I'll tell you the moral
Of this tale without woe
Treasure can be found in places abound
If we just look where ever we go


Dedicated to...well, you know who. And if you don't, you'll know him if you ever meet him.